If you love faking it online, it will end in tears.

If you love faking it online, it will end in tears. Sure.

You can believe me because I lost my fake, but top-rated, Upwork account just about 2 years ago.

Listen, I’m going to tell you a little “paaasono” story.

Ahem.. cough, cough. Ahem.

So, I’m now approximately 25 years old (not sure of my birthday) living in Likoni, Mombasa.

But about three years ago, I was a 56-year old white grandpa from a North American country. I had a wife, one child and a pet dog that lived with me in my little rented apartment somewhere in the internet.

I had over nine ongoing jobs and a few long-term clients. I had perfected the creation of a fake profile that I became one.

Some clients were my buddies, they could call me over skype. I could practice a few phrases and pronunciations, to sound American we could discuss family and economy issues of our countries. Trust me, I was an ace of faking it. I had even signed NDAs and WFHs with a fake personality.

But I also worked just as hard to retain my clients and build these working relationships. I had almost 70% repeat clients.

Then things fell apart…

Upwork notified me to do a video call for verification: I ignored it. I couldn’t do it because my profile was not me, however much all my clients believed me.

After a long period of ignoring warnings, Upwork limited my ability to apply to work or withdraw money if I hadn’t verified. I was staring at $200 and about $120 pending the 5-day waiting period. I didn’t know what to do.

I felt like an idiot. But because I was still moneyed, I opted to ignore it. And I survived until such a time I had absolutely no money.
I decided to face upwork. I made the video call, and of course, my account became permanently limited.

A lot has happened, but the bottom line is that I’ve had to begin afresh and work all the way up, this time a little harder because I lack the “white privilege.”

There’s something I’ve noted about profile image looks:

1. It’s easy to win the white, black, and Indian clients when you have a white person’s image on your profile.
2. It’s easy to earn the trust of people when your image looks older.
3. Black ladies have a higher possibility of being hired over black males.

There’s something else:

1. Even though it’s hard to land a job as a black, when you do land on one and deliver quality work enough to disprove the perception of your client, they tend to like you more than when you fake it.
2. You feel relieved when you’re real. I once turned down a video tutoring offer to an Asian client because I didn’t want to reveal my real identity. You don’t have to think of creative ways to fake it, because you’re you.
3. When the government seeks to hire or elevate local freelancers, you earn the favour. But when you’re fake, you even fear applying.

It’s all your choice, but I believe that it’s better to remain authentic. It pays slowly, but it lasts, and you don’t need to be more creative to retain your online image.

Ooops… Sorry for the long read, I hope it was worth it.

Why being “liked” is the enemy of being “respected”.

Being “liked” is the enemy of being “respected”. But if you’re highly respected, you will be liked.

Origin, control, and lifeline metrics of being liked are often opposed to those of being respected.

Origin: Being “respected” originates from within the person or thing we respect while being “liked” originates from us, who like. Let me explain…

People like you when they notice/see something that appeals to them, but people respect you if they find something valuable (to them) coming naturally from within you that resembles something good from within themselves. It’s other people’s choice to like you, but it is not their choice to respect you.

If you have a beautiful face, they will like you or (at least) like your face. If you like giving people free gifts, they will like you as long as you keep giving them the freebies. And if you do it more, more people will like you.

That’s why a seller of nudes will definitely ascend to fame faster than an online preacher. Because there are many people who would like to see the naked you. The “likeable” people appeal to us.

In this case, people hire you to do the things that will please them in exchange of their “likeability“. here you are a seller, and your market controls your actions and thoughts

Respect, on the other hand, is from within. And if you have it, other people notice it and are willing to sell you theirs, sometimes unconsciously.

We “earn” respect from others because of that which we already have. If you respect yourself, others will respect you in return.

When someone tells you something like: “…she slapped me because she disrespects me.” that person simply means that the one who slapped him did not like him. Because if someone slaps you, abuses you or insults you that has nothing to do with your respect but the other persons’. It’s also an indication of how much they like/dislike you.

On the flip side, if you have virtues in your character, e.g honest, loving, caring, trustworthy… people respect you. Why? Because you do all these things to others, and they feel obliged to do the same to you; you earn it.

You pay it to others, and others pay it to you.

When we see images of a rich guy stealing money from the poor, we hear phrases like “…that man doesn’t deserve my respect.” Why? Because we feel like if we were in his position, we would have been generous or considerate. The opposite happened when a street child donated 20 bob to a lady that had a heart problem. Why? because we felt like he went above the bar of what we could have done since both the two were needy but one offered to help the other.

Control: If people disrespect you, then it means you disrespect yourself. You’re unworthy of respect. It’s your problem. If people dislike you, on the other hand, you have no control of their liking; that’s really their problem.
You can always have control of your character, but you will never have control of what other people think about you.

Lifeline: People’s liking or disliking changes all the time, but people’s respect will remain forever unless you decide to change to try and please them or seek their liking. Liking is short-lived, respect is forever.
If you retain your respect, people might hate you for a while, but they will end up liking you.

If you are highly liked, it means that you seek approval of people on your actions because of what you are, if you’re respected, people seek your approval on their actions because of who you are.

Unless you’re into politics, don’t seek to be liked, just learn to respect yourself and others will do the same. People will like you or not, it’s their choice to make, not yours.

**** Think about it***

Sexy writings

I guess I once told you that writing is like sex; right? Well, that hypothesis remains. The only thing I wish to clarify here is that in writing, (unlike in real-life) you will not have any gender in this ‘sex experience’ of writing.

You can be a female and get fucked by your clients (especially those Indian clients). I’m writing this piece while still remembering “Manish”. Good grief! Manish paid me $5 to set an English exam with “listening, writing, reading, and speaking” section. Boy, I was fucked; I admit that.

You can be masculine, and fuck a bit (especially when you become fucked up). You can fuck yourself with your messes (think about what happens when you don’t submit a job within the deadlines), or you can both enjoy the experience (often the case).

In a sense, I’m just trying to tell you that here you have no “gender”; you choose the gender yourself or depending on your circumstance. When you’re on top, you are a man, when you’re down, you’re a lady. Aaand this is where most of you screw up stuff. You don’t know when to do it or when you should just pause, and be done (the Imenti way) or when to transfer fuckery down the food chain.

I’ve been reading some of your emails and DMs and most of you seem to be telling me a similar moral story: you never seem to have any sex partner (I guess you know what I mean by now, don’t you?). You just never seem to land on any job. Why? Look, I have an answer…

Go and study some “B.Sc. Whore-formatics with Makeups”. It’s a short degree course that can take a month. Learn how the best lady-player from your area-code manages to cheat on you, your friend, your landlord and your uncle who came visiting from shags (and at times even knowingly).

I know it’s a difficult assignment, but it might help you to learn how to advertise yourself and make yourself valuable. In so doing you stand some fighting chance to generate some income online. And I mean “some” because there are a lot of guys who lie to people about a flowing dollar ocean growing online only to meet with $1 per 1000-word article kind of jobs when they set out as newbies.

As someone who wears many hats, I sometimes pose as both a freelance writer and a client. Maybe that aspect makes me a little bit qualified to tell you where most writers fuck themselves up or just cease to please their prospective fuck-mates. Now, pause for a moment and think like a client; hard to do when all your life you’ve been a freelancer, right? But think about it, what would you want to be told by job applicants? How would you wish to be approached? If you get those two questions right, BINGO! You can skip the rest of the article. But if not, Ummh…

Well, I could do better with our analogy here. Imagine you’re interested in brown-skinned ladies (you, as a client, have specific types of writers you are interested in like Finance writers or Psychology writer). And you went out to a local “Koinange’s” place to find your prospective “yellow-yellow” (this is much like when you post a job in FB or Upwork/ Freelancer…). And you meet several ladies (those bids/application/cover letters). How and what criteria would you choose your mate?

Okay, here is the first thing you will notice if you have ever gone out for fun in those streets. First, every lady will try to grab your shirt (it often feels cool). And imagine that’s how I feel when I read 50 cover letters in Upwork. At this point, some ladies will be eliminated for not showing interest or using “cheap makeup”. And so it is that I do reject some applications because of poor grammar or punctuations. Some applications just don’t appeal. I mean, how can you be serious on my job if you can’t be serious enough to write a 100-word cover letter?

Next, make the first line stand out. The first sentence in your application does not matter a lot; it is often the only fighting chance you got. When you know there are several applicants who might beat you, just state it right upfront in the first sentence. E.g. if your client stated that “I want native writers …blah blab”, just tell him/her that which he/she wants to read. Write something like, “I am a native English writer with over 7 years of …” or, “I can deliver your batch of 10 articles in 48 hours. ..(then proceed to give him/her more details)” Don’t beat about the bush, just say it point-blank.

As guys, we hardly mention when the “thing” is tight (I’ve proven it scientifically), but folks, ladies will often gossip when the “stick” is “above average.” I guess you don’t get it, right?  Samples and portfolio are critical. I know sometimes (if you are highly rated), nobody will care to request you for samples. However, in the beginning, samples are your only evidence of “great sex experience”. So, do attach them to your application if you can. But at times you may not… So, if you had a great intro, your prospective employer may request for them. If he/she does, don’t hesitate to send them. Are we together still?

I was almost forgetting my former mistress, “Njeri” (Oooh! I still miss that lady though) and her chest thumping. She served that “thing” cold and at night. When chatting with her, she could promise heaven, and then the “Kisii gods” could not be appeased by “minji-minji” game. I know of a few other ladies who I dropped like burning coals. Well, should I say that I am the problem? (Perhaps yes) But even if it’s my problem, it’s her problem too!

I’d say that the problem I had with some “sex partners”, is that they advertised more than they could offer. Just don’t lie; right? Say it as you know it. If a job has a 6-hour deadline and you can only finish it in 24 hours, be honest. If necessary decline it. Believe me; some clients love such characters and honesty. You’ll admit it, sex is more awesome when it isn’t pretty. If you are a newbie, don’t fear to say “No, thanks.” Just tell your clients that you are a newbie; most clients will value honesty and loyalty (I am one of them). And herein lies the secrets to stopping “hit-and-runs”

Look, I do post some jobs at times when I have an overflow. In the process, I get a chance to hire new writers (you can symbolically call them “sex partners”, but please, don’t tag my mama to this post) and I have noted something terribly wrong with how people price themselves or their services. Pricing doesn’t matter;

….except that it does! Folks, I have seen expensive writings delivered cheaply; and I have also seen cheap writings delivered expensively. The two types of writings are worlds apart. Expensive content delivered cheaply creates long-term relations. Such are the type of freelancers clients are willing to pay $150 per hour to learn from them. On the other hand, cheap writings delivered expensively cause constant “hit-and-run” relationships and poor profile ratings.

If you are currently offering expensive writings cheaply, you are safer because better days are ahead if you increase the way you rate yourself. On the other hand, if you have been delivering cheap writings expensively, you will be out of the market soon (unless you develop some escape strategy sooner than later). And how do you know when you offer expensive work cheaply? Well, once you notice your clients don’t want to end your contract or they end and re-open, there you go our cheap-priced gold!

Huh! Let me end it there, I didn’t intend to have it too long. Forgive me to taking too much of your time

 

Top 10 Best Electric Razors & Shavers in 2019 Reviews

 

Not long ago, electric shavers were hard to find in the markets. And if you got lucky to find them, then their price tag could hold a figure huge enough to make you reevaluate your spending priorities. So, only professional barbers considered the electric razor options in the good old days.

But in 2019, electric razors have evolved to look lighter, fancy, more efficient and cheaper than the olden shavers. In this edition, we will take a look at the top ten electric razors and shavers you ought to consider in 2019. We will begin our listing with…

Rank #10: The Braun Electric Shaver, Series 7, 7865cc

The Braun Series 7 electric shaver is sturdy and elegant. It builds on the Braun legacy with a larger view having four shaving elements which help you to shave a larger portion faster than an ordinary shaver. It also backs some Artificial Intelligence and water resistance (up to 5 meters) capabilities to aid you when shaving in the shower or with foam.

Pros:

• It shaves faster
• It has a longer shaving time (up to 50 minutes)
• It can shave in 8 different directions
• Has five different shaving modes

Cons:

• It is a bit expensive. You can check the price on

Rank #9: The Braun Electric Shaver, Series 3

The good old Braun Series 3 electric shaver might not be the best, but it is certainly above the average electric shaver. It might even become the best option, especially when you are running on a tight budget. This electric shaver that costs barely $80 adds the micro-comb technology coupled with a three-element shaving head to make your shaving experience faster and comfortable.

Pros:

• It is cheap
• It is lightweight; thus easy to carry
• Because of its short size, it is relatively more precise than an average shaver
• It is water resistant (up to 5 meters)

Cons:

• This shaver is not very durable. Even though cheap, most of its negative reviews have been attributed to its fragility and short life-span.

 

Rank #8: The Panasonic Electric Shaver & Trimmer

The Panasonic’s Shaver is not brand new shaver per se, but it is packed with capabilities worth testing. If you have used the Panasonic Electric Shaver once, then I can bet that you have used it always. This electric shaver performs as much as it looks. The Panasonic shaver strikes an impressive balance between offering a quality shave and having the shaver at a reasonable cost. Among some of its outstanding capabilities include:

Pros:

• Has a larger view and four elements for shaving
• It is a rugged and durable physical design
• It is water resistant
• It has an LED to ease operation
• Has a flexible head to shave from different angles

Cons:

• Its battery does not often last long enough when shaving. You might have to buy extra batteries for longer shaving time.

 

Rank #7: The Braun Electric Razor, Series 5

The Braun Electric Razor series 5 borrows much of its performance from its predecessors. It has a sturdy physical design that is backed by the 8-direction flexible shaving head. It is also able to shave on both wet and dry skin.

Pros:

• A longer battery life (up to 50 minutes)
• It is cheaper when compared with shavers of similar quality
• It is easy to use

Cons:

• It takes time to clean.

Rank #6: The Philips Norelco Electric Shaver, Series 9000

The Philips Norelco falls electric leaps into the future of electric shavers. It is lightweight, easy to use and clean, and very customizable. Perhaps one of the main drawbacks that might keep you off its shelves is its huge price tag.

Pros:

• It is easy to clean. Thanks to the shaver’s “SmartClean system”, you only need to set your shaver into the cleaner and press a button to have it cleaned
• It has a customizable: you can customize most of its features like the rotor frequency of the shaver.
• It has a longer shaving time of up to one hour

Cons:

• It is costly: this shaver costs about $300 in Amazon

 

Rank #5: The Braun Series 7, 760cc (https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0782Z6LKG )

The Braun 7-760cc is a release within the Braun Series 7 that focuses much on precision and speed in shaving. It is reputable for its two shaving intensity modes that can aid you to reduce or increase the razor frequencies when shaving. It has the following distinctive performance features:

Pros:

• An intelligent sonic shaving technology that it is sensitive to the skin.
• It is accurate when shaving
• It shaves faster than other electric shavers in the Brawn series below series 7.

Cons:

• Most of its parts are not easily available to replacement once it breaks down

 

Rank #4: The Braun Women’s Epilator (https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06WP5C49K )

Now, there’s just “something” about the Women’s Epilator from Braun’s design that I find irresistible. Though it does not throw too much elegance, it has a way to present everything you need when you need it. Thanks to the added bikini trimmer, this shaver’s precision is top-notch.

Pros:

• It is lightweight
• It is gentle on the skin
• It has an added “bikini trimmer” to enhance shaving precision
• It is cheap

Cons:

• It has a shorter battery life of about 40 minutes when fully charged.

Rank #3: The Electric Shaver Razor for Men

If you don’t mind the name of the brand, but would love to get the real value for every cent you invest in buying an electric razor, then you need to check out the Rotary Electric Shaver. It takes much after the Philips Norelco, but it costs about a ninth of the price tag of the Norelco.  It is cheap to acquire and very cheap to maintain.

Pros:

• It is cheap to acquire and maintain (about $40)
• It has a had 4-direction flexible head
• Has a fast-charging ability
• It is water-resistant

Cons:

• It is quite hard to use as its manual and controls are not user-friendly

 

Rank #2: Braun Men’s Electric Shaver Series 9, 9293cc

The Braun Men’s Electric Shaver Series 9, 9293S is one of the most recent shavers from the Braun. It is built on the Braun’s legendary capabilities. The 9^th series is fully flexible and can reach through every corner of the face to give you a shaving. This shaver also couples awesome designs and incomparable usability features.

Pros:

• Shaves in 10 different directions
• Easy to clean (with the cleaning station)
• Has an “easy-pop-up” hair trimmer to increase precision

Cons:

• It is relatively expensive to maintain.

 

Rank #1: The Braun Series 7, 7850cc Integrated Hair Trimmer 

We saved the best for the last. The integrated Braun Series 7 hair Trimmer is one of the products that have been listed in Amazon’s best-seller listing with over 10K online buyers. It is elegant, lightweight, gentle on skin, easy to clean, and pocket-friendly.

Pros:

• It has a customizable speed of shaving
• It has an intelligent mechanism of adjusting power to fit the amount needed in shaving your specific beard.
• It has a rugged design with its razors changeable after 18 months
• It is easy to clean with an alcohol-based cleaning station

Cons:

• Sometimes it might not be precise enough owing to its broad shaving head.

 

Why I chose Upwork as my Ideal freelancing platform

Upwork is not the place that gave me my first dollar; neither can it the only one. But my Upwork story is quite a charming story. Maybe I love Upwork more than other platforms. Not because it’s the best, but because it can make one be the best. Also, that platform accepted to approve my Upwork (former oDesk) profile after about 10 attempts. I was on the verge of “fucking off” when they gave me a green-light.  This has made me appreciate the platform more than any other platform I have ever worked with to this date.

So, the story begun on July 3^rd 2015 when I first created an oDesk account (image below) after I got tipped off by my classmate, Mutava, about an account that was paying well for newbie writers like I. But even though I applied, I never used or earned a penny from the account until a year or two had passed when I was broke and hopeless.

In 2015, when I was applying to oDesk (current Upwork) I was so filled up with online jobs that weren’t paying off as continually as I had anticipated them to after reading a number of freelance blogs. At this time, I used to work with two direct clients; one an American and the other a Kenyan. The Kenyan client used to Mpesa money directly to my phone every Friday and the other American client used to send me money after the completion of writing a batch of 5-10 articles. But for some reasons, I just never enjoyed the type of work that never seemed to have security.  As a result, I quit both of them and opted to use freelancing platforms.

What do you think the initial journey was? Exciting? Well, maybe. But I remember applying to a few parallel article-writing freelance accounts in iWriter, Guru and Fiverr. Luckily, all of these platforms (apart from oDesk) weren’t as strict as they are nowadays. So, it was a walk in the park joining them. They all used to pay off quite well. And to a great extent, they all have their own advantages over Upwork. Fiverr, for instance, grants freelancer freedom and creativity that is unrivaled. However, with time I just got too inclined to oDesk (Upwork) at the expense of the other accounts. And here are reasons why I chose Upwork.

Advantages (Pros)

i.                    Upwork has a High number of jobs

According to SimilarWeb statistics that was backed by Google, Upwork receives averagely over 37 million visitors every year.

Besides, their survey estimates that visitors stayed on a single Upwork page for an average of about 9 minutes every day. So, it means Upwork currently receives an average of 101K visitors daily. And that’s where all the magic is. There is never a time in Upwork that is known as “Low season” or “High Season.” Every time is either a high season or a low season depending on one’s rating. Currently, Upwork over 100 different subcategories of online jobs (screenshot of categories below) and the Upwork River never run dry.

ii.                 Reduced Fee

Now, to anyone who had ever worked with oDesk before it was merged with e-lance to make the current Upwork, I am sure he/she wouldn’t call the current fee deduction as reduced. You see, back in the good olden days, oDesk used to deduct just 10% of your earning irrespective of the amount you earn. However, at the moment, Upwork seems to have adopted the policy of “end poverty by killing the poor”. Upwork now deducts a whopping 20% of one’s income if one earns less than $500 from a job. Jobs when one makes over $500 but less than $9500, one is deducted a 10% fee and a 5% deduction for jobs where one earns anything above $9500.

Now, while the fee is still high, I bet it is something reasonable and a bit reduced (when compared to Fiverr) if you can make it a habit to request funds after a job so that you get paid $500+ and avoid the 10% deduction. In that way, you won’t feel much of the pinch.

iii.               Tolerant and understanding support staff

I know of a site that paid me $8 a page, but that site could penalize you for not responding to client’s offer that was made to you when you were asleep. Upwork is not that kind of thing. In Upwork, you have a chance to negotiate terms with clients.  From the very beginning, I had hinted you that my success on Upwork began on a bad relationship where they had declined to approve my profile despite repeated attempts. What I didn’t inform you was the fact that I used to constantly chat with the Upwork Support and they just seem to have mastered the art of encouraging you even when you fail.

Thanks to their support, I have remained loyal to the platform to this very date. At some point, they snatched me my “top rated” because of some bad rating, but I assure you they used very soothing and cautious language unlike that I do receive from other freelancing sites. Also, these folks do respond promptly and even give you tips on jobs to apply and even when to apply. That’s something not may sites can offer. Lastly, this year they introduced forums and online rallies for training. I mean, these folks just seem to get you glued day by day.

iv.                Ability to create long-term working relationships

Though Upwork gives one 30 chances to apply for jobs every single month, sometimes one can end up not using a single chance. This is because when you deliver quality work to clients, jobs seem to search for you rather than the other way round. In some cases, I have even had to work with clients in their projects directly and get paid directly with 0% deduction, save for the withdrawal and transaction fees charged by Paypal and money transfer agencies.

v.                  Escrow security

In sites like iWriter, a standard (newbie to the site) has extremely low to no chance of being paid. Thanks to their stringent requirements, once a client gives a writer a bad review, he/she can then avoid paying. And boy, Indian clients just don’t pay that easily. But on Upwork, the thumb rule of “a job is done is a job paid” makes that feasibly impossible. The only possibility is that of one giving you a poor rating (of which I have encountered a number of times). Besides that, Upwork is safe for me.

vi.                Quicker and efficient payout

Whereas most sites take a week to a month to process payments, Upwork always takes just 5 days to process payments, and they can send you the money directly to M-Pesa account using a Chase Bank Account.

There are a few things that make Upwork a boring site too. Here are the few that I dislike

Disadvantages (cons)

i.                    High fee on small payments and withdrawals

Here is the thing; when you are new on Upwork, you are not very likely to pump into a $1K deal instantly. You’ve got to kiss a few $5-$30 frogs along the way. Now, in that case, you will incur a deduction of 20% on every payment.  Well, I don’t know about you, but I find that fee way too much.

ii.                 It’s not open to creativity like Fiverr

My friends, who got too hooked to Fiverr, always sing me songs of their earnings from different gigs. In a sense, I too admit their logic as to why Fiverr is way better than Upwork. This is because in Fiverr one can crate different gigs for his/her different skills, unlike Upwork that tends to assume that freelancers are to be purely perfectionists in single niches by having great profiles.

iii.               Writing cover letters just suck!

I have been there for over 3 years, but I will tell you freely that the necessity of writing cover letters for job application in Upwork just sucks through and through. This is why people from sites like iWriter often find it hard to adapt to sites like Upwork. But when you think about it again, you will notice that in Upwork, one has the power to decide his/her pay or request increment unlike in iWriter.

A “FUNDAMENTALIST” Or An “EXTREMIST”?

There is a growing global hatred to fundamentalists and extremists. All the prominent world heads associate fundamentalism with extremism and the general notion is that both are associated with terrorism. Something that I wish to dispute.

The noun “Fundamentalism” originated in the form of American Protestantism that was characterized by strict and literal interpretation of the Bible e.g in literal creation, the Bible records of history, etc. Islam too falls into this definition(by the Webster’s dictionary)

The noun “Extremism” on the other hand, means the notion of holding extreme political/religious views. (ibid)

Out of the two definitions, it’s clear that to be Fundamentalist is affirmative while to be an extremist is relative. While in the former one believes literary and thus establishes a distinct base in faith; the latter is only relative to the level of believing it.

As a Christian, I am obliged to be righteous. Now, the word righteousness in its simplest definition only means “doing what is right/true”. Luckily, the Bible defines “truth” thrice:

1. God’s commandments are true (Psalms 119: 151).

2. God’s word is true (John 17:17)

3. Jesus is the truth, the way & life (John 14:6).

….Now, one wonders:

Which part of the Bible is literal and which part is not?

If it be true that some parts of the Bible are true while others are allegories and fictional, then God must have chosen to play hide-and-seek to us. Well, in such a case, then you can choose the cherry. Either believe that The New Testament alone is true (like Evangelicals do) or only the Old Testament alone is true (like the Jews do) and something like that. Taking such a step, means God was partly true and partly a liar. You can as well believe the Bible as interpreted by Church leaders and Church traditions as Roman Catholics do. And in such a case, then you will place the human reasoning above God’s reasoning. Because, the Bible advocates for word upon word, “…precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little” Isaiah 28:10,13

If you decide to believe that the entire Word of God is true (like we do), then you have to become a fundamentalist. The level of extremity you will take your faith will from that moment depend on your judge alone. Thus, you may be or you may not be an extremist depending on the judge. As such, it can only be logical that I be called a fundamentalist. It’s not accidental that our church has 28 fundamental believes and 13 vows before baptism.

Are all Fundamentalists & Extremists terrorists?

The popular claim that all religious fundamentalists & extremists are terrorists is a plain lie since God (of the Bible) forbid in His divine laws that we should kill (Exodus 20:13). The Bible claim is so strong that it forbids even that of animals in our anticipated New Jerusalem. Isaiah, one of our prominent prophets, wrote that, “…He that killeth an ox is as if he slew a man; he that sacrificeth a lamb, as if he cut off a dog’s neck…” (Isa 66:3). In any case, isn’t killing just defined as taking away of life and life is contained in blood. Thus, it isn’t accidental that killing a lamb was symbolic sacrifice. Our Savior (Jesus) inspires us to love & pray for our enemies (Mat 5:44, I Peter 3:9), even them who persecute us. Now, if that be the case, how then can such people shed even 1 mol of a chicken’s blood? There is nothing good in this world that brings pleasure before my eyes like having more people become fellow fundamentalists. True Bible fundamentalism is the only thing that can convert a magician to a teacher, a harlot to a singer, a thief & terrorist to a fearless bishop. Surely, if I would die to convert two most radical Alshabaabs to become Bible fundamentalists, I’d die a joyful death.

Dear Mr. President,

The President of Kenya,

Hon. Uhuru Muigai Kenyatta,

8^th Dec 2013

 

Dear Mr. President,

RE: How Many More Lost lives and Broken Limbs Will It Cost the Likoni Bridge?

It is my sincere desire that this letter finds you safe and sound. How I hope that God has kept your family protected and secure too through this hard times. I often listen to your speeches, and you are very fond of using the phrase “Fellow Kenyans…” whenever addressing the nation. I am convinced that at times, you do mind about what happens locally. However, in this letter, I intend to show you the untold daily misfortunes that “…your fellow Kenyans” in Likoni have had to grapple with daily at the ferry.

As the saying goes; only the wearer knows where the shoe pinches. I live in Likoni and I work in Mombasa Island. I wish to be as precise as to say, such a life as mine (or any person like I), is simply a life of existing. While Waitiki threatens me with an eviction notice, the Likoni ferry threatens to kill me instantly or to poison me some day. Comparing the hustle and the boiling sun I encounter at the ferry waiting bay every morning and evening with the 5 range-rovers that escort you always and the jet that enables you to fly over oceans, I tend to believe that there is a regular flaw in you speeches. It is either, I (and people like I) am a Kenyan, or, you are a Kenyan. We both don’t seem to be Kenyans. Besides the regular struggle, and fear of infection comes the danger of pick-pocketing. Worse, our women and men are sexually harassed due to that congestion. In some cases, kids, who cannot be carried escape death owing to that rush and struggle. Ask the Likoni nurses and they will compile you a list of untold misfortunes at the ferry. I personally have to always offer two prayers once I approach that “death device”.

The cry for a bridge that links Likoni with Mombasa Island was out several years ago. Even so, year in, year out Likoni residents (I inclusive) have been made to have faith in a dying promise. Almost every year, media reports of people dying at the ferry; some due to accidents and some due to stampedes. But many perish slowly due to the ever worsening hygienic conditions at the ferry. Sadly, the media only tells a small fraction of the story. We are prohibited to take photos or record clips of what we often meet at the ferry. However, I know that the recent CCTV cameras installed at the ferry may be having some good story to tell if those people could open up to show you some of them. If the cry has been made, I wonder why nothing happens. Or, could “…your government…” (As you call it) explain to Likoni people how many more deaths and fractures it will cost to build the bridge?

Though some may blame KFS for mismanagement, I could sorely blame you and your team of leaders for both mismanagement and negligence. Kibaki’s reign can be fresh in many Likoni and Nyali residents over two reasons. First, he (Kibaki) oversaw the launch of the Nyali Bridge. Later, he added two ferries in Likoni and all people went ecstatic. However, in your reign, Mombasa people have only seen addition of taxes, insecurity and many evils as even Satan could abhor.

It takes a person about two hours at times to cross a distance of 200 meters. For vehicles, it becomes a sadder story. At times vehicles have to wait queues upon queues and waste humongous amounts of time before crossing. This leads to spoiling of the perishable goods, lateness to work, at times penalties and many other mysteries. In simple terms, the ferry issue is such a sad story to all who truly knows it. It is my hope that an angel may touch you, and you could open your eyes to see our suffering. The suffering “your fellow citizens” undergo, so that you may hasten to build us a bridge. Don’t worry much about Laptops and Hague, worry about this death demon in the ferry.

I sincerely look forward to your action soon.

Warm regards,

Obed Nyakundi.

Could Jubilee Government’s Problem be a lot of KANUology?

I am persuaded that the current Jubilee reign is the skeleton of old KANU embodied with a sweet catch-phrase: “I Believe in Kusema na Kutenda”. Instead of Uhuru Kenyatta asking of; “What would Magufuli do?” he often asks, “What would Moi do?” When the jubilee government took the mantle, many people (I inclusive) thought the government had taken 100 strides forward, as it turns out; it has taken 200 steps backwards. We have a good constitution, young and vibrant leaders, and a better educated society. But why do you think we still have 1970s problems? I personally attribute it to the education of our leaders.

I am not a very old bozo; then again, I have been lucky to see the reign of three Kenyan presidents (Moi, Kibaki & Uhuru) and 4 regimes (KANU, NARC, Coalition Gov and the Jubilee regime). A careful analysis of the current government’s performance can best be likened to the KANU Government’s challenges. Let’s take a look:

KANU was “baba na mama”, all their opposition had to follow “Nyayo” or else… . To understand what I mean, ask the old folks who were unlucky to meet the VIP treatment in Nyayo Chambers like Rao, Njonjo or any other who attempted to point a finger. Jubilee government has had an almost similar trend. They rule and their opposition has been suppressed into a bunch of images. To the “small boys” in opposition and any whistle blower journalist; bribery, blackmail and in some incidents assassination attempts have been carried. That leaves opposition with a “team” of Raila alone.

KANU and Jubilee are both mad regimes. “Son, how do you know who a mad person is?” asked dad. “If one is shabbily dressed and eats dirtily on the streets.” I answered. “Wrong. A mad person is one who solves all his/her problems by yelling them and blaming others.” He answered. If my father’s definition is correct; then the Jubilee leaders are all mad and they could do better with a Parliament psychiatrist. Whenever the whistle is blow or the security is threatened, always parrots like Duale will come out to shout the problem at times even before finding its course. Come to think of it, after the Nakumatt attack, how many official voices were sounded that were contradictory. Some even blamed it on Raila Team. Let’s be honest, there can never be any solution by pointing fingers. Only Moi did that.

Moi dominated media, Uhuru has done just that. For these young dinky-toy babes who never experienced maziwa ya Nyayo, perhaps never understand this perfectly. There used to be only one TV in the village (in KANU time): a Greatwall TV. One TV channel (KBC) and one obvious news: “…Rais Mtukufu,… Daniel Torotich Arap Moi Leo alisafiri…” News was all about the president, with his speech, his trips and his entertainment. I remember at some point while young, I had woken up to see if I could catch up with Moi in the bathroom. Kibaki’s reign brought a breath of fresh air. But this “digital regime”, is very much analog. Daily, news is will be all about our president’s trips to Country X and his speech on corruption, African development, and of course setting up a new 100M commission to examine the stolen 50M. I really miss Kibaki’s leadership; so silent but was always seeking means to improve Kenya.

In simple terms, both Uhuru and Ruto were coached by retired Moi. Though young, they play very ancient games that may perplex any digital-age person. Recently, President Kenyatta invited Moi and Biwott in State-house for some party. In my opinion, in order for one to understand the predicaments of Jubilee, one only needs to study KANU. Call it JubKANU or KANJUbilee and let it move.

The Sex Scandals in the Land of “Holy Fathers”

To date, I have never encountered or read of a more evil species than an uncultured human race. I have read of ladies who raped dogs in my city, a cannibal Germany civilian who literally slaughtered a human being and reported that “her meat tested like a pig’s meat” and many other such incidents from media. I am proud of such sinners because they at last reformed.

But there exist another class of people who do “Righteous sins” and media cannot dare to point a finger on them lest they lose their pay-slips. One such institution is the Roman Catholic Church’s Papacy and their “Holy Fathers”. Since its onset, the papacy has continually advocated for moral decay and itself engaged in it. One of the Minor voices that attempted to point a finger was that of Alexander Hislop in his book “The two Babylons” Alexander wrote:

“If the position I have laid down (That Roman Catholic church is an apostate Christian church) can be maintained, [then] she (Roman Catholic Church) must be stripped of the name of a Christian Church altogether;”

Consider the following recorded sexual scandals by past “Holy Popes”.

Pope Benedict IX: He was recorded to have been a homosexual Pope.

Pope John XII: This pope could have won a Nobel Award in misusing his powers. He is recorded to have stolen the church offerings, planned and raped female pilgrims among many other unutterable acts. He supposedly passed away ailing from injuries from a beating of a jealous husband.

Pope John X: This man is said to have fornicated with both a mother and her daughter! (I know that is quite disgusting to drink from a cow and its calf.)

Pope Julius II: This pope must have been a real “bad ass”. Pope Julius II is said to have died from Syphilis. He had 3 legitimate children (all girls) and is said to have been accused of sodomy.

Pope Boniface VIII: This pope too made the mum-daughter game like Pope John X. However he was more evil even to have declared sodomy as not being sinful but just fun like “rubbing two hands upon each other.” This Pope is said to have declared the murder of a whole town! (Only Satan can enjoy that).

Pope Sixtus IV: This Pope is recorded to have had SIX LEGITIMATE SONS. One was of the sons was born from his own sister. This pope legalized fornication and at some point introduced taxation on prostitutes. The famous theory of the origin of the word FUCK coming as an acronym of (Fornicating Under The King’s Consent) is said to have begun at about this reign under this man’s Indulgence Certificates.

Pope Alexander VI: There is no one pope in the entire history that had more sexual relationships than this “son of a bitch”. He fathered seven legitimate sons one with his own daughter. This pope is said to have held parties for whores that lasted whole nights and even rewarded the man who slept with the highest number of whores in a single night.

These are just but some of the many evils these people have caused the earth. As a matter of fact, this institution is recorded to have given hand in all the past world wars. The current pope has not been totally devoid of this treasure of mischief. He first embraced gay unions, later, he asked bishops to “pardon” the sin of abortion for some period that stretches up to the coming year. I strongly believe, that man (pope) has veiled a lot of mischief under that white cloak of priesthood.